kateandlisaHow to Support a Woman In Labor
As mom’s partner when it’s GO time, it’s your role to offer support and encouragement during labor and delivery. Here are some tips for how to show up prepared and what you can expect during childbirth.
Supporting women in labor is an incredibly exciting and important role. Research shows that women who have support during childbirth are more likely to have positive outcomes including shorter labor times and decreased medical interventions. Even if you and your partner have decided to hire a doula to be there for the delivery, it is still a good idea to be ready for what to expect during labor.
Your partner will most likely looking to you for comfort, strength and encouragement during the entire labor and delivery process. You may find it hard to watch her in pain, you will likely discover that childbirth can be one of life’s most powerful and rewarding moments.
Here are some tips for what to expect and how to offer support during labor:
Know How to Recognize the Signs of Labor
Late in pregnancy many women have false contractions that may feel like labor; but unlike the real deal, these Braxton Hicks contractions typically are not painful. Some describe them as a belly-tightening sensation that comes and goes.
Look for these signs, among others, that your partner is experiencing real contractions. 
- Her water may break, resulting in a trickle or gush of fluid. When the amniotic sac (bag of waters) breaks, many women spontaneously go into labor shortly after. If not, labor is often induced to minimize the risk of infection. Keep in mind, contractions usually start before the water breaks.
- She may have persistent lower back pain, like a crampy premenstrual feeling.
- She’s having contractions that occur at regular and increasingly shorter intervals and become stronger and longer in intensity.
- She passes the mucus plug, which is in the cervix. This isn’t always a sign that labor is imminent – it could still be several days away. But at the very least, it indicates that things are starting to move along.
Help Time Contractions – And Be Ready to Wait!
Unlike the movies, most women labor for hours before they even go to the hospital. It’s usually more comfortable to spend the early stages of labor at home. Many hospitals won’t admit a woman in labor until her contractions are regular, painful and coming every three to five minutes and the cervix is starting to dilate.
You may want to time the contractions periodically to get a sense for how things are progressing; but you don’t need to do so continuously. Free contraction-timer apps can track things for you.
Contractions are timed in seconds from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next. Count the frequency of contractions in minutes. Don’t get too bogged down with obsessively timing the contractions as it can make the labor seem longer than it is.
Be available to help your partner do whatever she wants to stay relaxed at this point – watching her favorite TV show, going for a walk, showering or maybe taking a nap. This isn’t the time for finishing up last minute projects or doing household chores.
If your partner is having regular and painful contractions that last 30 seconds or longer, she is probably in early labor. Your doctor or midwife can help you make the decision over the phone about when to come in. As a general rule, if the contractions are five minutes apart or less, last more that 30 seconds, and continue in that pattern for an hour, it’s probably time to go to the hospital. Your practitioner will give you their guidelines.
Some situations call for getting to the hospital sooner or later, so talk with your healthcare provider ahead of time about what is right for you.
Know What to Expect During Labor
Sitting in the hospital in the thick of labor is not the right time to be flipping through a pregnancy book or nots from childbirth class so finish your reading beforehand. Go to a childbirth class with and open mind – you’ll get solid information as well as a sense of how other partners are planning to get through the labor and delivery.
If you can’t go to an in-person class, search for online birth classes. Watch videos of births, hear other peoples’ real-life birth stories and get guidance on making a birth plan.
Don’t expect labor to be over in just a few hours. Every woman’s experience is different, but it’s helpful to understand the three distinct phases of labor:
The First Stage of Labor
The first stage of labor really consists of three phases: 
- Early Phase. This phase lasts typically up to 12 hours, although it’s usually shorter for second and subsequent babies. As labor progresses, the contractions get longer and stronger.
- Active Phase. Often this phase lasts up to six hours, although it c an be a lot shorter. You should be in the hospital or birth center by now or on the way there. Contractions are much more intense, last about 40 – 60 seconds, and are spaced three to five minutes apart. Helping your partner with breathing exercises and relaxation techniques will come into play during this phase. If your partner is having trouble coping or she’s not interested in a drug-free labor, this is when she might opt for an epidural or other pain relief.
- Transition Phase. This phase can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. It’s here that things are likely to start getting a little (or a lot) more intense. Contractions last 60 to 90 seconds and come two or three minutes a part.
The Second Stage of Labor
The second stage includes pushing and birth, and can last from minutes to hours – the average is about an hour for a first-time mom (longer if she’s had an epidural). This stage ends with a moment that’s usually both relieving and breathtaking: the birth of your baby.
The Third Stage of Labor
It’s not over yet! This stage begins immediately after your baby is born and ends with the delivery of the placenta five to ten minutes later. Your partner may get a case of the postpartum chills or feel very shaky during this stage. If that’s the case, be ready to offer a warm blanket and to hold your newborn while your partner regains her strength.
Be Flexible With the Birth Plan
The same labor strategies don’t work for all women and everybody has their own hopes and wishes for how they want childbirth to go. Before the baby’s due date, take time to discuss expectations and options and put together a birth plan. Later, you can take initiative with your partner’s wishes in mind. Be prepared to change course – even the best plan may need to be changed.
Pack Your Own Hospital Bag
Most pregnant moms pack their hospital bag long before their due date. Don’t forget you will probably be spending the night at the hospital also. So, don’t forget to pack some things for yourself!
The essentials:
- A change or two of clothes
- Comfortable shoes and and extra pair of clean socks
- A toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant
- Any needed medicines
- A phone and charger
- Some sustaining snacks (ones with no strong odors!)
- If you will be using a tub, bring something to wear in the tub if you plan on being in there with her
Be An Advocate
A woman in labor is not always in the best condition to make hard decisions or assertive requests. As her partner, make sure you are ready to step in if the situation calls for it. You may need to help her logically weigh her options about medical decisions or ask for certain things for her.
Your doctor or midwife and the nurses are there to make sure your partner and baby do well during labor and birth. You still have a big role when it comes to helping your partner get comfortable and in communicating her wishes.
If she is planning to breastfeed, make sure she has a chance to do so soon after the baby is born and that there is someone there to help her if she needs it.
Don’t Take Anything Personal
A laboring woman may be in her own world. Giving birth is long and hard and some women find the best way to cope is to reach deep inside themselves and ignore you. She may also become irritable toward you at times. It’s important to not misconstrue any of her behaviors as a rejection of you.
Ask The Medical Staff Questions
Medical professionals should but don’t always explain what they are doing whether it is mandatory. Don’t be shy about seeking out information, whether about medical procedures, a status update on how things are progressing, or about ways you can help your partner get more comfortable. The staff most likely will be happy to answer your questions.
Help Her Stay Focused and Relaxed
It may hard to figure out what to say to someone in labor. Just remember, it is your job to encourage her. Suggest different coping techniques during labor when necessary, drawing on the methods you’ve learned in childbirth class. Position changes, breathing patterns, a foot rub, focusing during the contractions – bring her back whenever she starts to think she won’t make it.
If she can, get her out of bed for a short walk, move around during labor or just to a chair can be useful.
Know Your Limitations
There is a lot that goes on in the birthing room. It’s important to be aware of what you are willing to during the process and what you want to leave to the professionals. If the sight of blood or even the birth makes you feel queasy know that it’s ok to look away. Focus instead on your partner – look her in the eyes and support her through the moment.
Be There to Offer Encouragement for Labor and Delivery
This is a major life event. Showing up is one the most important things of all. Your partner will be looking to you for encouragement. Many times the birth process can seem scary. It’s important to manage your fears and those of your partner’s by asking questions when you need to, knowing when not to worry and projecting a sense of confidence and calm reassurance for your partner while in labor. You have a very important job!
For more help with the labor and delivery process, get in touch.
